Behaving Badly
Classless. That's not me.
Love and hate - such strong emotions with often just a hairline separating them.
I was an ass this afternoon. I thought he saw me and was ignoring me because she was on the boat with him. He turned around just in time to see me flipping him the double bird as they glided through the water.
It felt good for a minute - a second really - and then immediate shame and embarrassment.
I feel like a real jerk. No matter what I think he has done to me, no matter how hurt I have been, that behavior is not appropriate. We had had such a nice and what I thought was an honest conversation in the early afternoon. That's why I was so hurt when I thought he saw me but ignored me.
Emotions overwhelmed me and I lashed out. It was the first time I had seen the two of them together. Hurt, ego, anger. I never said I did no wrong here. I never said I was perfect. I'm just writing, expressing and hopefully learning.
Friends say he deserved it, don't feel bad. But he didn't and I do.
Classless. That's not me.
Strong emotions are good to feel but I will be glad when this overwhelming love/hate subsides.
Peace, calm, love and joy are what I'm looking for. I probably should get back to my condo repairs.
I tried to shake it off by painting my friend Mike's toes on his artificial limb as I confessed my bad behavior at the marina.
