Still So Much to Shed
I'm still getting some of his mail. I still have boxes of his books. There are still many connections I need to sever.I have a plan for the books - I'm going to plastic wrap the boxes and drop them off at his work boat or in his truck when I see it out like I did this morning - parked at a random house where I assume he doesn't have K - she's left once again with a woman he's dating and living with while he stays out all night. I hope this girl loves her like I did and that she's OK. It's none of my business anymore how he parents but I worry about K just the same.
Some friends say I should just donate the books and burn his mail - but that doesn't seem very healing for me - or very nice. Tempting - don't get me wrong - but I won't do that. I don't really think it will make me a better or more whole person.
My name is still on two of his titles - truck and sailboat. I can't take my name off without him being at the DMV with me.
Big baggage.
Turns out, there also are lots of small things left that feel huge.
There was the I.D. I wear on my running shoes that had his name and number on it as an emergency contact. I threw it away along with my worn-out running shoes while I was in Tennessee for Christmas.
On my desk was a silly trinket he made me from a set of green Mardi Gras beads when we first met. Threw it in the trash this morning. But do I keep the similar red one that K made for me and the tiny note she wrote one morning that just reads "Thanks."
I feel ridiculous sometimes - I'm way over him - but being rid of everything and unaffected by the relationship is a tough task. And being reminded how intricately connected we were because of all the baggage - big and small - begs so many questions about why and how and makes me want to close right up.
I'm going to try not to do that.