Condo Anniversary

Looking Back and Looking Ahead

Three years ago this week I closed on my condo. I own it - kind of - the bank owns it in my name right? It seemed appropriate I was driving home from more than a week in Miami for work on my condo anniversary.

"It's come a long way," B said as we clinked wine glasses. He asked if I was happy to be home - ABSOLUTELY! Though B and I had a lovely time in Miami when I was there over the weekend. We drove to Islamorada in The Keys for something different. We swam in the fancy hotel pool, went for long walks and took a boat ride in the rain on a warm day.

I like home. 

As much as still needs doing, my home really has been transformed. I mean seriously - I had friends come to stay when I had a dishwasher (working by the way) sitting in the middle of the unfinished kitchen. I was using my powder room as my kitchen counter top and sink. Amber and Josh can attest to this. We made due and they didn't care - they were here to see me, not my kitchen. They could see the vision. Probably they saw right through lmfh too.

Or perhaps like most of my close friends, they thought I saw something they didn't. They saw me with Kaia and Largo and knew I was good with them and they were good with me. Why do I keep mentioning them? I'm over him - I promise - been way over him for a long time.

I miss Kaia and Largo - though I guess I have to be over those two sweet souls too. They affected me though. We're days away from Kaia's birthday. And I still have a damn hole in my duvet that Largo caused. Makes me laugh. It's time for a new duvet.

I ordered one months ago that is on back order. Figures. It was supposed to arrive this week - THAT would have been perfect. I called Urban Outfitters today and was told it was set to arrive to the company June 2 and then will be sent out to me by June 4. Eye roll. But maybe - just maybe - the court case will be finished by then. And then maybe that's better timing for this symbolic change.

I almost feel like I should burn it but that might require some sort of anger I don't have anymore - well I do have it over the lies and the money he still owes me. I think replacing the duvet and perhaps burning a hat I think I still have of his will be good for me. Or I just throw them without feeling into the garbage - like I did a harmonica a few weeks ago after I came across it in a drawer.

People might say - get over it. Kind of like - if you think you're healthy, you will be. Mind over matter - when you have chronic illnesses that you are TRYING to resolve. I AM over it - over him, not quite over how I got into the mess and definitely not over the money I am owed. I have been having bad dreams lately - a lot of them. I think it has to do with the looming court date.

Hoping this will be the last one. 

I slept the best I have in weeks last night. No dreams - just sleep. 

Maybe this will be the first step to less stress and getting healthy. I just want to be healthy and boring - boring in that I run everyday, play hockey a couple of times a week and go to the beach and do all the boring things like cleaning my house and running errands with ease. Boring. Normal. 

B asked me if I felt that stress played a big role in my illnesses coming about. Absolutely. 

No stress with him - as I've said - he is lovely and wonderful and patient. 

Yay for that. 

More to come.