I awoke this morning and went for a run mulling this realization: I feel abandoned. Abandoned by someone I love and trust and who I thought would always be part of my life.

I have felt this once before. When my biological mother left me when I was 14.

Oscar challenged me this week to avoid writing about heartache or myself or sadness while I’m in Kentucky for Thanksgiving with family. Write about my travels, my family and the foods we eat and our adventures, he said, and no frog eyes. Those are the eyes that are welled up with tears. Ok, Oscar, I will try.

Kim sent me one of Nicky's ponies. How can I not look up when Nicky is helping me out - I must - he always did. Until the end, Nicky looked up. Nicky smiled and always wanted to see others smiling too. 

With all that's going on in the world, I wonder how anyone can give up on a love both feel, not giving it a chance in the change. Isn't that what we're all looking for - to love and be loved? The rest can be worked out.
Instead, I love you but ... 

I’m still incredibly sad - not that I thought one trip and a few days would un-break my heart or that in that time B would figure out his life or at least that he wants me in it to help us figure out our lives together. Such resolution doesn’t happen that quickly in fairytales. 

"I'm sorry. I love you." Parting words as B left me and my shattered heart at the airport and he headed North with all his belongings. 

Cat 4 Irma hit. Grandma died. Florida is rebuilding. A lot has happened in a month.